the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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