ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
