That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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