Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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