Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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