i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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