Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
