Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
