he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
