Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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