D3 body, D1 cock
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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