we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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