i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
