i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
