Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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