I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
