How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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