We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
