I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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