Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
