my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i out mim tonsoeep
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