I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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