Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize