I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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