I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
