fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
