Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize