if you like me you must not know who I am
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
