the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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