Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
