I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
