literally had 100 drinks last night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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