I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
