I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
