There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
