Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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