It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize