you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
