and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
