At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
