wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The best revenge is premature balding
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
