I faked an abortion last night.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize