I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize