i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
