I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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