Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize