Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
