My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
