Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
