My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
