I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize