I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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