Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
