I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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