The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
