yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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