So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
