dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
