and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
