I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
