Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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