It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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