rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
