ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
