yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize