My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
