i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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