Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
