She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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