i barfeds in our rink
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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