I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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