Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
