Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
