i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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