I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He shit in the fireplace
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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