Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
