nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
