I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize