you're like a bully in the Christmas story
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
