she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
