she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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