who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
