Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
